how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
