dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
