She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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