just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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