If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
