i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
