If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
