my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i would punch a child for taco bell
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
