peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
