Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
