So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
