Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
