Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize