May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
