She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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