last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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