Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
