I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
