What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
