She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
