life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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