apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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