i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
