thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Mom said you looked used
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
