Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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