one two three fourrrrnication!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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