I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize