I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
