it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
