somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I touched a dick in church today
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize