We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
