please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
