everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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