apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
