Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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