I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize