i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
