This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
