So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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