the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
