I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
