my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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