masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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