Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
