Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She's the barista slut.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
