Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
