i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
