I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
