just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
