someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
