Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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