got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize