They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize