dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
