true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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