I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
