And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
