Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize