i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
