Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
