She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
