She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
