i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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