hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
