i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
