if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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