Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
