Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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