but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
