Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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