you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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