i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
