Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize