Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
